Chic Chat

the local magazine with a Contemporary Flavour

FEATURESpage 2 »

The Pursuit of PERFECT

Stop chasing perfection and find your path to lasting happiness!

By Tal Ben-Shahar, renowned Harvard professor and "recovering perfectionist"

Every day that the recession deepens, the dream of a perfect life slips away...
You've lost your executive job, had to downgrade to a smaller flat, forgo your pricey gym membership or let your financial woes affect your closest relationships. You could use some relief, but how can you get back on the path to perfection when you've fallen so far?

...the trick is to realise it was only a dream in the first place.
In The Pursuit of Perfect (McGraw-Hill, May 2009, £9.99), author Tal Ben-Shahar tackles the number one obstacle to happiness and success: the false assumption that 'perfection' is an attainable, realistic goal. Not only is there no such thing as perfection, but the pursuit of a flawless life/career/family/body actually has the opposite effect; perfectionists are more likely to have:
• Low self-esteem • Eating disorders • Sexual dysfunction • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Psychosomatic disorders • Chronic fatigue syndrome • Alcoholism • Social phobia • Procrastination

In The Pursuit of Perfect, Tal - a 'recovering perfectionist' whose drive for ideal physical fitness may have cost him the title of World Squash Champion - discusses the root causes and negative consequences of perfectionism, how people can break free from this affliction, and most importantly, shows us the freedom derived from not trying to do it all right all the time and the real lessons that imperfection, failure and painful emotions can teach us.

See what Tal has to say about...
OPTIMAL WORK
Perfectionist leaders tend to focus only on sure-fire successes and avoid failure like the plague! Unfortunately for them, taking risks and making mistakes is the only way to ensure innovation, and growth: "The leader who is able to change the way members of her organization perceive failure is well on her way to creating a true learning organisation, one that is competative, adaptive, and pleasant to work for."

OPTIMAL LOVE
Perfectionists often have trouble maintaining relationships because they cling to an idealised notion of love and balk at any sign of conflict; even the smallest argument can be perceived as devastating and final. What they don’t see is that facing and overcoming conflict is often the best protection against a failed relationship!

OPTIMAL PARENTING
With the best intentions, perfectionist parents tend to over-protect their children and do everything in their power to keep them happy and satisfied at all times.

“While these parents don’t realize is that while in the short-term they may be making the lives of their children more pleasant, in the long-term they may be preventing them from acquiring self-confidence, resilience, a sense of meaning, and important interpersonal skills” – qualities that can only be acquired through personally facing and overcoming adversity.

OPTIMAL EDUCATION
Schools and educators constantly reinforce perfectionism by focusing on results over engagement, and by rewarding students for formulaic success rather than courageous failure. Adults educated in this stifling environment are in danger of believing that there is only one route to a happy existence.

“A child’s long-term success and happiness is largely contingent on her pursuing challenging goals while at the same time accepting failure and imperfection.”

About the Author
Tal Ben-Shahar holds the record for teaching more students in one semester than any other teacher in Harvard’s history. His lectures have begun a groundswell of “happiness classes” taught in academic centers around the world. The Wellness curriculum at the prestigious Wellington College is a great UK example. Tal is a sought-after speaker and has been featured on CNN, The Times, the New York Times, Daily Mail, RED, Zest, Management Today, and many other international media outlets.

For more information, visit www.talbenshahar.com.

1 Warwick Road, Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire HP9 2PE    tel: 01494 677362   fax: 01494 675385

Pison Publishing © copyright 2009 - Online Magazine - Lifestyle Magazine